...

This is my second and last week of my internship for this year. This opportunity has given me a chance to really see what this field of work means to me and I've been getting Ideas and really reflecting. Not because I have to but because I want to, because I want to become someone that helps the kids into becoming good citizents with confidence and democratic values along with so much more. I'm also thinking about double majoring so that I also can study media... Haha I know I want so much :P But that's okay It's always okay to dream :P

Lhamdella lhamdella lhamdella....

I feel so bad about not atending any majles, Ahh so much to do with my internship and my exams coming up but I really want to somehow be involved nhsallah from tomorrow I will. Forgive me Sayidat nisa2 al alamin al Batoul al Zahraa for not coming to comfort you about your loss. Nshallah I'll become a granddaughter you can be proud of...

You are my polaris!

I wrote about the star polaris a week ago, and today a found my polaris. It has always been there but it took me a while realising it, as stupid as I am. I have something that's always there even when the weather is bad and my sight confused its still there. It guides me right back on track when I'm lost. God sent the ignorant me someone to make me safe, someone that's always there.

My ancestors, The prophet and his household has always been there to comfort and guide me in all my choises. I might be bad at expressing this and I might not be able to make you understand what I feel, But what I feel can be summerized in three strong words Faith, hope and Love! Thank you for always beeing there, I wish, I really wish I could be there for you... Allah Yel3an man zalama Ahlul-bayt! I have yet so much to learn from you and inshallah I'll be a good muslim and granddaughter. Forgive me for being dragged by this worlds desires away from you and accept me with my flaws to greif with you for the blood spilling of innocent children and woman, for the cruel blood spilling of those pure brave who fought for what they believed in.

Refusing to take the wrong path and lead many more with them. Thank you for protecting our legacy, knowing the how it was going to end. Thank you for opening my eyes, Thank you for teaching me to never accept something wrong and to always fight for my rights and thank you especially saida Zainab, for teaching me patience and giving me strength. You had to survive seeing your family beeing brutally murdered and yet you stood firm and made your voice heard standing before. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you stood infront of your brothers bodyless head seeing that head beeing wipped by his killer. You are not only in my heart, you will be reflected in my actions inshallah!!!

Ashoura...

Ahlul-bayts (people of the household) journey in oppression begins tonight... I really wish I was there, I really wish I could stand on your side when most of the muslims turned their backs on you because of greed or fear. The month Muharram (Ashoura) in the Islamic calender is here, The month when the prophet Mohammads grandchildren and their children started  a journey of misery...

This happening is very important to shia muslims, the followers of the prince of believers, Imam Ali after prophet Muhammads death (PBUH). I've been thinking these past days about the importance of it to shia muslims and I came to a conclusion that says, it should/could be as important to sunni muslims, because it doesn't matter what leader they choise after the prophets death, they still followed the prophet and it's his grandchildren being mistreated (least to say). For all you who say that sunni muslims are responsible for the holy family of the hoseholds brutal murdering, think again. 

Don't blame our sunni brothers and sisters because they have the right to grief ahlulbayt as much as we shia muslims do... The  ones that killed Imam al-Hussein and the rest wasn't only sunni muslims. You don't have to stab someone with a sword to be a killer, someone who sees wrong and does nothing about it can also be a killer not to speak about those who betrade ahlul-bayt, sunni or shia muslims. Alla yel3an man zalam ahlul-bayt ( may God curse those who opressed the holy family's houshold)

Ps! The pictures (Bloody people) you see  in google when you search for the meaning of Ashura doesn't represent Ashura at all, it is only a tradition that some not many follows... It's forbidden to hurt yourself or other in Islam!! Don't be tricked even reports can be fake so if you ahve any questions just ask me and I'll try to answer as good as possible...

Me as a teacher!

This week has been crazy... in a good way though! I've enjoyed being a teacher for the kids learning so much from them and my supervisor. But let me just tell you this, hearing your doing a good job or you're a good teacher sounds better coming from a student than your supervisor! I feel good about this and I love seeing progress, they are truly amazing those kids and the teachers there really puts all their effort! I really liked the way they co-operate to get the best results in their teaching. Well I'm happy especially after hearing a kid saying that I'm a good teacher, like really looking at me, thinking and then just saying it haha felt good wanan cry... :P

Lhamdella...

Taking away my sleep

But soo worth it!

I can't believe I haven't wrote anything for the past three days but my internship has a crazy schedual and I've been too tired. I don't have time to write about it in details, but know this I'm loving it even though I have to wake up early, like 5 :am early :P I'll be filling up the spaces hopefully tomorrow if not on saturday :P

Panic!!!

Aaaaah can't sleep anymore, I just woke up from the sound of our tv and now I don't know what to do to sleep an I have to wake up early!!! I can't stop thinking about Lebanon, Uni and the people I miss there my friends :S. I can't stop thinking about all the streets wanting to go and just walk around them.

I miss Lebanon too much I miss Toosi (grandpa) tooo tooo tooo much... Not to mention that table and chair I used to sit on, next to foron at uni. I loved sitting there, even if alone... I miss my life there. I tried stopping myself from thinking about whatever I left, whatever I gave up, but at the end it comes up to the surface and I realized that It was okay for me to think about it atleast the goodtimes too not eat myself with hatred or regret. What happened happend and I stand here today because I took decisions and roads that led me here.

I'm not going to look back, I'm just going to remember, atleast for now because I'm busy following a new road but that road will lead me not back to my good memories but it'll lead me to the good memories I want to recreate...

Last day of freedom :P

This is my last day in two weeks where I get to wake up as late as I want, not that I wake up late but the feeling of being able too is precious :P  But it's worth it, I bought a new pair of slippers today for my internship , got some beautysleep (my ugly face needs it) and now I'm going to take care of the rest so I can easily be ready in the morning :P

So I will finish my round of searching for an apartment in SouthKorea for this summers trip with soulmate and Shrimp. Hahaha The shrimp Jassmin found a manuel of what to think about before renting in South Korea hahahahahaha The first 6 pages are about a Bill and why you should read this manuel... Argghhh I'll finish reading it and get myself ready for tomorrow, wish me luck!!!

Me= Normal?= What's normal anyways?!!!

I tried really hard today to not apear online or to be active in facebook... But I just broke down after holding it for like more than God nows how many hours, it felt like eternity to me anyway :P Oh God I wanted to give the computer a break along with giving myself sometime to do something more fun and healthy. I spent some time with princess, umzahraa and ola being social eating candy and cookies. mmm... dumleee

I also re-fell inlove with Iphone listening to all the good qualities it had, aaahhh umzahra's husband presented Iphone too good and now I want oneee. I've had pretty calm days with lots of korean dramas being involved, designing and facebook.

Oh my God I felt so stupid yesterday writing a message to a person on facebook by misstake,  like what da fruittt? Like how could I confuse his facebook name with the one I wanted to message? The names doesn't have anything similar how could I pull a mistake like that? Nan paboo!  Things like that always happens to meeee I need to get a grip over myself... Like ones I even copied a whole conversation and pasted it to the wrong person and well let's just say that the conversation was a bit private... I wanted too dieeee!

But like I still don't remember writing his name, whyy that person. The funny part is that he apeared in my dreams the night before. It was a nice dream, This years first snow was involved too aaahh I was happy... Because of the snow,  I mean I don't even know him that well, he's more my friends friend than mine...
Yukhh lets just forget about that embarrasing moment, have you seen my new layout? I Actually designed the picture!! What do you guys think about it feel free to give your opinion!

Polaris...

Have you ever wondered if anything in this world stays the same, never moves and never goes away? I always hoped to have something steady in my life something that didn't change. A friend, a feeling, a home... Polaris, the star polaris is actually the steadiest thing i've come to meet. This star has it's place and doesn't change it even when season comes and goes, not only that but it's also a map. It helps you find the way nomatter where you are, amasing!

I started designing again it feels so good, I feel like me again, the joy I feel when I create something is undescribable. It feels so right working on projects. I'm so happy to have met Morgan my former teacher and graphic designer, because everytime I feel like I'm loosing it I remember his words. I remeber him believing in me. Another thing is the reactions I get when I show people my designs... What an amasing feeling!

Ahhh finally starting my internship this monday... I'm too happy I just can't wait to ruin the kids muahahaha

Along the way...

I was supposed to go visit my internship place today but my health stood in the way. I start my internship this monday and I can't wait to start working with the kids. I really love what I'm studying to become, it wasn't my first choice but I'm happy and my first choice is something I'll work for eventually.

Everything happens for a reason, that's so true everything seems falling into place. I just want to complete my education as soon as possible so I can stop missing the people I today miss... Well most of them anyway. And to actually be able to influent kids and give them a good base is something that excites and challenges me. Along with the fact that as soon as I get my bachelor degree can start working with the cafe I've been dreaming about for too long.

I have so many things a want to do, so I have to save up alot and well who knows my plans might change along the way, for now lhamdella I'm heaps (very) happy. Got a great supportive family and amazing friends I thank you God for what you have given me lhamdella and sorry for not appreciating things more!

I love I love I love... Walking :P

I feel a bit tired today from all the walking and it has been alot of walking going on. Well I love taking strolls so that made my day and the thought of me walking that much with high heels makes me proud! ^-^  Sara your cognitive map is amazing, it can take us anywhere ;) Happy we spend some quality time together it has been a while, love you Princess <3<3<3<3

HappY FaTHers DaY!

Nomatter how old I get I seem to never forget how to be dads little girl. Nomatter how strong I grow how independant I become, your still my safest place, the shoulder to lean on. I remember hating my life, wishing to die, wanting to disappear  but your support made my life easy and took my misery away. Thank you for being here...

But you my dad wasn't my only one, I thank God for sending you Amo. You truly gave me everything a father would when my dad couldn't. Years are passing by without you in this world, but your always alive in our hearts...

Happy Fathers DaY!!!

I wish I could be there and I'm sorry I'm not. I wanna tell you that everything is going to be alright but I can't promise you a happy ending. I don't seem to get used to bad news or situations... Lhamdella in all times and hopefully the bad news will turn into good or just fade away...

Kidarikee

Warm colors are leaving, to welcome the cold breeze.

Oh Autumn, I wish I could say, that I want you to stay.

But I can't control my heart, who's asking to freeze.

Asking for pure white stars to land on the shimmering ground,

to play with glitter and roll around.

Oh Autumn forgive me for my desire to greet,

this winter who's grey, asking for your colors to leave... 

Aigoo Aigooo I really miss snow... Nshallah soon I'll be rolling around in it. Anywaysss... I was thinking about my old and new dreams, my past plans and my plans today. Dreams are precious, but they will stay dreams unless you try making them into reality... Become your our fairygodmother and don't be afraid if your dreams change, it's okay just follow and make the best out of the situation! Aja Aja fighting!!!!

Eid Adha Moubarak!!!!

All muslims around the world celebrates this day, the day when our prophet Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son, being obidient to God. God was testing him ofcourse and rewarded him with a cheep to sacrifice instead.

This day reminds me of Gods generousity, I believe that we get tested everyday by the choises we make. Prophet Abraham was willing to give up his son for God, but what am I willing to give? Think about it what do we give back to God? 
Are you as a person following Gods words? The praying, not hurting anyone even with a gaze, the food and drinks you consume and the way you dress and so on?..

Happy Anniversary

I had no clue what this day would mean because I never wanted or expected anything to happen. But you barged into my life unwelcomed until I had no saying in this matter. Happy Anniversary... It's been one year since  you started waiting for me, but today I'll stop waiting for you...