What a lovely ending...

It was really nice today, meeting up with Minaya and Jass along with my pharmacy student friends Sara and Saba. We actually ended up creating two groups, the pharmacy students were all into there subject calmly and sophisticated while me and my other two freakingly crazy gorgeous friends were discussing Korean dramas, in a loud voice like, huligans...

Okay not like huligans more like hockey players :P Seriously it felt refreshing!! Us being together was overwhelming.We suddenly realised that alot had happened during her visit to india, while sitting and talking our heart out about everything,  Only one person was missing.. Yukh idioT! I truly feel like a new person today maybe because I somehow got closure this morning... To be honest I got really hurt because of how ignorant that person was as if he never knew me and then I remebered someone else who obviously doesn't know me. Dude am I really dat hard to read?..Like seriously I Think I'm worth a bit more!!!

( watched a sceen where the main lead asks his girl to trust him and that he'll fix everything with the parents, haha can't wait to see how that ends!)

Kalekalekutta... eyoo eyooo!!!

Finally ouri minayaa wasso (minaya has finally arrived). So that freak Minaya left me, the freak, with the third freak the shrimp and went to Indiaaa! Me so jealous! ANd today she's back muahaha to live miserably happy with us leftbehind freaks :P.

My first reaction was taking a breath preparing to scream but seeing my studygroups eyes watching for waiting for whatever I was going to do. I stopped my reaction to continue feel joy in hushed tones and continueing working or discusting with the group. Minaya I'm really happy to have you back!!!

Something else I've been thinking about is a phraze, a commenter left:
 " Some people can/may be better than you but you as a person, you're speciell!"

 When you feel that you're selfasteem is going down remember this, because it's true! Always believe inyourself and  instead of envying what other have see what you have... As I said Your special!

When you loose an opportunity!

I was planning on changing my major for the coming the semester, but forgot or just ignored the fact that I should  folllow that issue to make it happen. I lost the opportunity not because I don't want it to happen but because I expected things to just fall into place without putting the effort required or consideration. I expected to get notified about the date to when I should apply instead of looking it up myself because that's what I'm used to. 

So now I have to pay for it... Either I give it up or I wait another semester and loose a year but at the end I have to decide wether it's worth waiting for, or if I'd rather continue studying to become a teacher. I can't continue doing that and expect for everything to fall into place because even if it does, it wont be the same.

You know what's worse, me forgetting that I'm the one ignoring and not waiting and still I complain and say that my uni didn't give proper information. 

I should have treated Media better, I should've known that at some point I'd loose the opportunity if I kept taking things for granted if I kept treating it as something not worth putting any effort to. 

"Treat people the way they deserve to be treated, not the way you can treat them"

... Just something!

These past two days have been busy, working on a project and preparing for International dinner tomorrow. Jass and I went to buy stuff for the Smörgås tårta (sandwish Cake) for tomorrow... For like 70 peopleeeee! Yepp we made the smörgås tårta along with our other members... It wasn't the same with out you Minayaa! Jass and I kept remembering youand  actually planing on greeting you in a hindi way.

Lhamdella I'm fine as long as I'm busy or sleeping it won't work for long but this is how I'm able to cope with it right now. Haha and Facebooking helps too :P Either way this is reality and this is how things turned and it was my fault, I wasn't careful enough, I forgot what pain was when I was with him...

I'll try to not fall for that trap again and I hope he'll leave me alone, because right now hearing anything confusing from him can make me fall from the edge which I'm trying to hold on to for God and my parent's sake!

Me thinking: " I found IT!"

  Jass Saying: " No dear I did!"

Me thinking: "Let's look as if I know what I'm doing infront of the camera."

soooo boreeed

So I have uni tomorrow but I can't sleep because I kind of slept the whole day wishing to drown in my dreams. But I woke up eventually... Lhamdella I should stop complaining and try to sleep because tomorrow if I have to wake up. YUkh I wanna shoot myself I've become so annoyingg duddeee

Mornin'

Starting my day drinking some Hot Coco trying to listen to hakoona matata thinking about a dream I had tonight.    I'm forcing myself to drink the hot choklade because it tastes more bitter than sweet and I couldn't continue listening to hakoona matata... because I realised that it was in arabic and I dnt feel like finding the Swedish version anymore.

I was happy seeing and talking to you in my dreams even if it only was for a short time, plus some girl was involved she looked like a friend though, yukh I don't care... Idiot! I hate you for making me feel this way!

Ouri mam Nomu appa...

WHat's Wrong with me?? Can't I be happy, I'm back home I'm living having a dream. But that dream doesn't keep me occupied 24/7 and I need to be occupied every single secound because I forget. Yeah I forget that I'm not allowed to think about you and I forget you chose the easy way out and I forget that I'm not suppose to be upset about you and I forget that I'm not allowed to cry over you.

I try to tell myself that I shouldn't but what do I do when there's no drama too watch no energi to plan for the future, noone to talk to. Great love stories end in misery? great love stories shouldn't end even when death do you apart. You shouldn't be able to win over true love, you should never give up on it, because that would be your ultimate dream, your future plan...Your treasure !

I remember once writing about how scared I was thinking that all of my hapiness would be taken away... I was right it happened... Again. They robbed the only person who made me feel alive, no not they I'm sorry he gave me up as soon as we got some obsticles. For him being happy means getting everything the easyway.

I really want my life to end but I can't end it because I know better, because I know that I don't have the right to end it. I'm really sick of pretending that everything is okay, I'm so sick of hearing people say we can't see you this way, don't cry, your strong, get over it. I might have always given an impression of me being strong and indeppendant and hopefully some of it is true, but does that mean that it's okay to decide for me to give me a death penalty and still count on me to survive it. If you want to give me death penalty, kill me, just take my life instead of pushing me of a cliff expecting me to know how to swim. I don't know how to swim and even if I did  I would choose to drown because it's  actually you pushing me...

Doen what me want!

I've always wanted to open a café and I've been thinking about it like crazy the past week. I've actually started working for that dream so I have 3 years on me, for saving money and improving my baking skills and other business related issues.

It's feels good having a goal and so healthy putting my energy into something that I could have, something I somehow can controll instead of thinking about what I've lost and what's impossible to happen. This dream of mine is really helping me but it's just not the same without you... This used to be Our dream.

Anyways I baked bullar for the first time in my life and here's the result. It wasn't perfect this time but I'll be working on it! So excited about my next project! 

O' Happy DaY!

So today is a very special day, it's Imam Ali-Ridas birthday, the son of Imam Musa-al kazim where my surname comes from. They arn't just any historical people they are the prophets grand children who walked in his footsteps and lived their lives making a difference reaching out to  give the true message of Islam.

I thank God for his blessing, giving me the honor of being related to these great people to ahlul-bayt. Today is a very special day and I had a good day. So I decided to learn how to cook and bake and to even learn the Lebanese folkdance Dabké. I felt alive today planing and seeing a bright light ahead and specially when my heart started skipping beats, when my cousin took me and my sisters M&M on a drive, driving like crazyyyy!

Can't sleeeep

I have wide open eyes and I'm craving for some orange juice, but there's oone problem it's 1.30 am, so i can't buy it and we don't have any orange juice left in the fridge!

I can't have juice and I can't go to sleep,almost noone to chat with on Face book and not alot to comment or like left. Yukh really bored I wish cuzzy was on... I think i've been too active in facebooking these couple of hours not to speak about uni that I have to attend duddde I'm all gone!

I guess too much is in my mind, but like shouldn't that make me even more tired??? I'll just rewatch some dramas and maybe write something in my other blog lol that would kill some time. I feel like talking to zanzoona but no she's not on :S either... Shirooyoo !

I choose!!!!!!

Good eveningggg!

So it has been a very intereseting day in so many ways! At least I have my runaway place so all is fine except for me still freezing to death...


I choose not to believe in what I hear or not to hear at all... So sue me if it's true!

Morninggg

Staring my morning with a bowl of cornfakes trying to find a new Korean drama to watch. I've actually watched them allll!!! dude can I be more of a drama nerd. Oh wait, right They must have subbed the chinese drama, BU BU Jing Xin.

Thank God I really need something to keep my thoughts away from Lebanon and I really don't want to go out today... I spent my whole 2 past days out so enough is enough... and I miss my dramas. Aja Aja Hwayting!!!!

Blöööööö

That's what's on my mind...

If I'm this open and even have my blog's link in my facebooks profile, than why can't I answer a question as easy as what's going on? Lol I truly find myself funny...!... or just sad :P

Hakoona matata!

Getting back on track!

I finally feel as if things are looking brighter, maybe because of the trip to China and Korea this summer! Yessss I knöööw I'm going to China and South Koreaaaaa with my soulmate Minush and my shrimp Jazzz... Inshallah

I have until summer to work on the money issue, things looks more than Okay according to my calculations so hopefuly nothing will come in the way! But that's not all, I've had some time to figure things out and even though I'm still not sure about everything, I now know where I'm headed, what I want. 

I have finaly realised that the best way of living life is to stop depending on others loving you, because nomatter how little you love yourself you're still going to love yourself more than the people around you, even the closest.

I'm going My way, I'm not going to follow anyone convincing myself that I'm meeting them half way. No one will take your dreams more seriously than yourself (normally) unless they can, but at the end it's their way they follow there choises that matters the most and their comfort comes first to mind. 

Don't treat people the way you can, treat them the way they deserve to be treated

It's something new I came up with and something I'm going to try to use in my everyday life. I'm feeling good I'm feelinga as me again lhamdella I'm starting to move on...

Tooosi...

Missing youuuu!

I always felt attached to my grandpa but today I see myself addicted to him. Not being able to hear his voice, see him or hug him makes me want to leave everything behind and just go back to his side in Lebanon. He's the purest most honest guy I know. Just waking up and knowing that I can make him breakfast and stairr at him while eating it, gave me warmth hehe and made him annoyed :P

I love the way he can't remember my name, yet he calls me crazy and that he still somehow knows I'm family, I love when he wakes up, getting up sitting on his bed yawning scraching his back with his huge scraching fork. I love when he asks if it's his house and getting all happy when he knows that it is, thanking God for his generousity. I love it when He calls for grandma asking for his medication for the 100th time forgetting taht he already took it. I love when he attacks the fridge and starts eating all kinds of things that he shouldn't. I love his addiction to sweets and how he protects it with his life :P(I take after him)

I just love his way of speaking how he never speaks ill of anyone and I love how he refuses to give me his precious hat which he promised to give and ofcourse forgot about it. I love just being there I miss him to death!

Broken Glass...

or a secret weapon?

I saw a broken wineglass thrown into a sink and my thoughts wondered looking at it's sharp edges. I couldn't help but to compare it with us humanbeings. We also break, some of us easier than other,we are different in sizes shapes and quality just like glass. 

But the thing is we don't break on our own. hardships mostly created because of people we meet along our road    causes us to fall down and break. Falling down doesn't always mean getting broken and even if you did you'd be able to glue yourself together but falling down constantly and crashing into pieces too many times makes it harder   to "fix it". 

It doesn't matter how gentle, nice, caring or patient you used to be, you will be too exhausted to pick up the pieces and "fix it". You'll get your own sharp edge  which you will use protecting yourself with without guaranteeing the safety of those around you...