I was reading my old posts and bumped into this, hopefully I've changed :S
My true self?
Looking into a mirror...
I did alot of thinking today trying to figure out how I ended up being such a mess. From being called a nun to becoming a heartless witch. I used to care about more than my ownself, I used to be happy if others were better than me, I used to never make misstakes when it came to my friends, to always be there, I used to never lie.
I believe that somehow a part of these qualities still exist in me but I don't feel it. Today I see myself saying sorry too many times when it's something I never had to do before, something I never knew how to do. Today I see only the worst in people when I used to see the best. I'm trying to hold on to my oldself to be the way I should be, but people around me are making it impossible. Yesterday for me was a place where I could be myself without turning into the person that Iam today. An empty person.
I stopped caring, getting surprised or expecting things from others. I can seriously see a ghost now and still not react in any special way. I of course care about alot of people and the world that's something that I can't change even if I tried to wich I have. But I stopped caring about... Well myself I guess? Like this competition I'm in, Im forcing myself to be exited about it, when I really don't care or if I phisically hurt myself I feel the pain but I still don't care about it.
I noticed how hard and strict I have become, how easy I start to hate or judge someone and how easy it is for me to decide to let go of people. I looked into the mirror to see the same face I see everyday, but felt as if I was standing infront of a stranger, feeling sorry for her.
I did alot of thinking today trying to figure out how I ended up being such a mess. From being called a nun to becoming a heartless witch. I used to care about more than my ownself, I used to be happy if others were better than me, I used to never make misstakes when it came to my friends, to always be there, I used to never lie.
I believe that somehow a part of these qualities still exist in me but I don't feel it. Today I see myself saying sorry too many times when it's something I never had to do before, something I never knew how to do. Today I see only the worst in people when I used to see the best. I'm trying to hold on to my oldself to be the way I should be, but people around me are making it impossible. Yesterday for me was a place where I could be myself without turning into the person that Iam today. An empty person.
I stopped caring, getting surprised or expecting things from others. I can seriously see a ghost now and still not react in any special way. I of course care about alot of people and the world that's something that I can't change even if I tried to wich I have. But I stopped caring about... Well myself I guess? Like this competition I'm in, Im forcing myself to be exited about it, when I really don't care or if I phisically hurt myself I feel the pain but I still don't care about it.
I noticed how hard and strict I have become, how easy I start to hate or judge someone and how easy it is for me to decide to let go of people. I looked into the mirror to see the same face I see everyday, but felt as if I was standing infront of a stranger, feeling sorry for her.
To be honest i dont know if u have changed, since i cant read your mind. Maybe all ur act is just a play. But for what ive seen of you and what u have showed me i have a hard time believing that u haven´t changed. But this post just makes me notice exactly how much u have changed!:) wtf have i written? i got confused by my own text. Saranghee <3<3
SvaraRaderaI think all people go through a time where they feel like this. A bump in the road can feel like an earthquake for some people and vice versa. But some choose to climb of the heap of stones, get over that obstacle and continue forward. Much stronger then they were before and hopefully much wiser. Everyone needs to make that climb over their own heap of stones. Hopefully you made your climb and can now continue forward:)
SvaraRaderaNa doo saranghee <3, haha shrimp confused and that period was a dark one, it was a bump in the road and that bump was like no other so Lhamdella(thank God) for today!!
SvaraRadera